April Fools' Day Lunch!

Okay, I know, I'm obsessed with this project. I've put it up on Facebook and texted it to like twenty of my friends. Each person that came into my classroom on April Fools' Day had to listen to me explain all the ingredients in detail. I just can't get enough! 

If you want to make it yourself, it's really easy. All you need to do is slice and toast pound cake for the "grilled cheese." Cut it diagonally before frosting. Smooth bright yellow frosting on the toast and assemble your tiny sandwiches. 

Next, zap green apple or watermelon-flavored Airheads taffy in the microwave and break it into small pieces. Roll the pieces into tiny green balls for the "peas."

Last, add one scoop of vanilla ice cream with caramel or butterscotch for a total mashed potatoes and gravy look-a-like!

My students ate their treat, and then flew around the room like Quidditch players, powered by the force of what must have been a truckload of pure cane sugar.  They promptly crashed twenty minutes later. 

I think I may have actually gotten a cavity just from just handling that much taffy. I spent the rest of the day smelling like the Melody Skate Rink snack counter. Which was kind of nice actually. 

In any case, it was totally worth it. And do you know what else was totally worth it? The five minutes I just spent immersed in total Nerdland trying to figure out if you capitalize "Quidditch" or not. There are some serious nerds out there. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to look up a recipe for a hamburger cake. 

Finally.

Underwater Car

Okay, my student and I were reading the new National Geographic Kids, and we saw a picture for this underwater car.  It looks super cool, but I think I am missing something. I don't understand what the benefit is. I mean, I understand the benefits of personal submarines and more nimble underwater vehicles, but in the video, it just seems like the car is sinking. At one point, my student and I were like, "It looks like they're just dying in a horrible car crash."  I don't know. There must be some pros to this concept, right? The zero emissions? The ability to go from land to water in one seamless transition? Any guesses? 

Listening to this song took me back and almost made me forget the economy is plummeting into the fires of Mordor.

I have to give props to Steve for finding this. It may be the best Oreo commercial of all time. Especially wobble knees at 0:19. How amazing were giant Oreos? Did anyone ever finish one? They were so big, you would start one, develop a headache halfway through, and quit.

I'm sorry if some of you have already heard this story, but I can't stop telling it! I was on the treadmill at the gym the other day and, due to the scuff of my shoes on the belt and the dry desert air, I kept getting shocked by static electricity every time I accidentally touched anything around me. It wasn't that big of a deal, so I just ignored it and plugged my headphones into the treadmill. I had been listening to Obama's speech in the car, and I wanted to keep listening, so I tuned the headset to CNN.  I was smiling placidly and listening to the promise of new green energy when all of sudden, a jolt of static electricity traveled up my headphone wire, into my earbud, and electrocuted my entire ear canal at a voltage reserved for movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  

I shrieked "JESUS CHRIST!" at the top of my lungs, possibly offending and definitely terrifying the woman running next to me. I just clawed the sizzling wires away from my face and wadded them into the drink holder. I was shaking. Am I alive? What year is this? Who's the president? Where am I? Luckily, nine out of the ten TVs confirmed that Obama was the president, and after glancing around the room and seeing that everyone looked a little bit like they could be on Rock of Love, I confirmed that I was in California. 

I actually placed my trembling hands on the heart rate sensors, mostly out of curiosity. The good news was my heart rate wasn't too crazy from my shock, the bad news was that everyone in the gym was staring at me. I thought about pointing to the TVs and saying, "Sorry guys, it's just the state of the economy. Terrifying. Shocking," but I just smiled weakly and attempted to read Obama's lips for the remainder of the broadcast.  

These Pants Are Hot. Literally.

How much do these pants look like what wrestlers wear to lose weight? You can tell the model is so pissed to even be photographed wearing them. How sweaty do you think she is in there?

Designer: Let me zee, ow can I make zee pants to flatter zee woman's bodee? First, I must taper zee leg. Zecond, I must enlarge zee crotch. Third, I must make zem so that no air can ezcape. 

I can't get enough of the last three shots. 

1991

We were trying to figure out what movie to see the other day and Scott was like, "What's that movie called? 'I Don't Really Like You?'" I thought it was so funny.

Barf

World's Creepiest Teddy Bear

I was researching an article on creepy Valentine's Day presents and I stumbled across this teddy bear. How scary are its eyes? How uncomfortable do I feel looking at its shoes? Is it haunted?

Grasp The Skull Gauntlet's Power!