I'm sorry if some of you have already heard this story, but I can't stop telling it! I was on the treadmill at the gym the other day and, due to the scuff of my shoes on the belt and the dry desert air, I kept getting shocked by static electricity every time I accidentally touched anything around me. It wasn't that big of a deal, so I just ignored it and plugged my headphones into the treadmill. I had been listening to Obama's speech in the car, and I wanted to keep listening, so I tuned the headset to CNN.  I was smiling placidly and listening to the promise of new green energy when all of sudden, a jolt of static electricity traveled up my headphone wire, into my earbud, and electrocuted my entire ear canal at a voltage reserved for movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  

I shrieked "JESUS CHRIST!" at the top of my lungs, possibly offending and definitely terrifying the woman running next to me. I just clawed the sizzling wires away from my face and wadded them into the drink holder. I was shaking. Am I alive? What year is this? Who's the president? Where am I? Luckily, nine out of the ten TVs confirmed that Obama was the president, and after glancing around the room and seeing that everyone looked a little bit like they could be on Rock of Love, I confirmed that I was in California. 

I actually placed my trembling hands on the heart rate sensors, mostly out of curiosity. The good news was my heart rate wasn't too crazy from my shock, the bad news was that everyone in the gym was staring at me. I thought about pointing to the TVs and saying, "Sorry guys, it's just the state of the economy. Terrifying. Shocking," but I just smiled weakly and attempted to read Obama's lips for the remainder of the broadcast.  


eleanar said...

wow, that sucks. more reason not to go to the gym, it's evil. ;D

Buff Tan Honky said...

That's badass. I've heard that people have been killed by static charges traveling through telephone lines and frying their brains. I too have an unfortunate treadmill story that I would like to share. I was at Cascade with Cody Coles at the beginning of junior year when we decided the best thing to do was go use the treadmill instead of just running outside. At that time the treadmills were at the front of the cardio room against the mirrors and as luck would have it a couple of hot older chicks were using the stationary bikes right behind the machines Cody and I decided to use. I guess we thought we could impress them with our impressively built physiques or something. Having no idea how just how fast full speed might be I decided I was easily capable of the machine's maximum and cranked it all the way up. I stepped off the side panels with the tread going at Mach 5, not realizing that trying to walk onto something moving that fast might somehow backfire. Of course since I am/was as slow and awkward as you can get, I proceeded to trip, smash my face into the control panel and somehow fall onto my back on the tread. Since the tread just kept churning along happily it spit me out crotch first into one of the exercise bikes directly behind. Cody was laughing so hard he couldn't stand up anymore as I desperately tried to pull myself away from the girl's bike which was difficult because my legs were entangled with hers and the pedals. I could hear nothing but a room full of explosive laughter as I hobbled out, moaning in pain because of my smashed face, horribly racked groinal area and my roadrashed back. It took me nearly seven years to go near one of those damn machines again and wouldn't you know it? The power went out in the gym and I ran into the control panel at a full sprint. Treadmills suck.