Bon Jovi Sleeps in a Dirty Ditch

I have a theory. Jon Bon Jovi hasn't slept in thirty years.

I arrived at this theory after a conversation with Scott the other night. I don't remember how, but the term "shot down" popped up and inevitably, we started singing the bits and pieces of "Blaze of Glory" that we could remember. Of course, as per the tacit directive, we had to sing the (often totally incorrect) lyrics in a kind of serious tough-guy voice; like maybe we grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, rode our bike into the desert after getting into a fight with our longshoreman father, and finally became a cowboy. In any case, here are the opening lines to "Blaze of Glory:"

I wake up in the morning

And I raise my weary head

I got an old coat for a pillow

And the earth was last night's bed

Scott and I were like, okay, so no matter where Bon Jovi is, he's just sleeping on a dirty patch of desert with, as Scott imagined, only two pieces of straw scattered around. Then, I thought of these lyrics:

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails

Seriously. Somebody give Bon Jovi a bed! He's tired! At least that's what I thought until I read the lyrics to this song, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead:"

This ain't no slumber party

Got no time for catching z's

If they say that that ain't healthy

Well then living's a disease

'Til I'm six feet under I won't need a bed

Gonna live while I'm alive

I'll sleep when I'm dead

'Til they roll me over

And lay my bones to rest

Gonna live while I'm alive

I'll sleep when I'm dead

So, the point is Bon Jovi doesn't even want to sleep. Kind of like the Beastie Boys. Until they arrive in Brooklyn, at which point, each one falls into an instant, delightful slumber.

Scary Skeletons

This is so funny. I heard it on the radio the other day and I was laughing so hard.

Fatty

You know what I've discovered? Being a kid involves a lot of unselfconcious singing. My students sing all day long. Just nonsense songs. Not embarrassed at all. There must be a small window of time when life is like this. I love working with my students, though. They are so smart and so funny. Here are some of my favorite conversations to date:

Student: Caitlin?

Me: Yes?

Student: You know when you see a like, a human skeleton?

Me: Uh huh.

Student: Well, don't you think sometimes it looks like the heart is in a jail?

Like the ribcage is the jail. How cute is that? Here's another one. Picture just driving two kids, quietly reading in the back seat with their two brand-new stuffed polar bears by their sides. Everyone's been mute for like twenty minutes when this happens:

Student: Caitlin?

Me: Yes?

Student (sadly lifting up her bear for me to see): My guy has diabetes.

I was like, how do I even react to that? Then, she and her brother just threw their polar bears back and forth as fast as they could while singing "Viva Las Vegas." I loved it.

My favorite though was when one student was reading a complicated history lesson online, and I kept asking her stuff like, "Okay, so what does it say about how George Washington wanted to be addressed," and she would just peer at the text and turn to me with the answer and then finally, at the very end, she just squinted really hard at the screen and pointed with her finger and said "Oh wait... it says one... more... thing...here... 'Caitlin... is.... a fatty!'" and then she just looked at me and cracked up for like an hour. I was like, "Real funny kid, real funny."

My Favorite Couple

I don't really watch The Amazing Race, but I might start because of this couple from Kentucky. Their names are Kynt and Vyxsin. I love them. Just try pronouncing "Kynt."

Look Alikes: Part One

Who does this look like?