Bon Jovi Sleeps in a Dirty Ditch

I have a theory. Jon Bon Jovi hasn't slept in thirty years.

I arrived at this theory after a conversation with Scott the other night. I don't remember how, but the term "shot down" popped up and inevitably, we started singing the bits and pieces of "Blaze of Glory" that we could remember. Of course, as per the tacit directive, we had to sing the (often totally incorrect) lyrics in a kind of serious tough-guy voice; like maybe we grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, rode our bike into the desert after getting into a fight with our longshoreman father, and finally became a cowboy. In any case, here are the opening lines to "Blaze of Glory:"

I wake up in the morning

And I raise my weary head

I got an old coat for a pillow

And the earth was last night's bed

Scott and I were like, okay, so no matter where Bon Jovi is, he's just sleeping on a dirty patch of desert with, as Scott imagined, only two pieces of straw scattered around. Then, I thought of these lyrics:

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails

Seriously. Somebody give Bon Jovi a bed! He's tired! At least that's what I thought until I read the lyrics to this song, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead:"

This ain't no slumber party

Got no time for catching z's

If they say that that ain't healthy

Well then living's a disease

'Til I'm six feet under I won't need a bed

Gonna live while I'm alive

I'll sleep when I'm dead

'Til they roll me over
And lay my bones to rest

Gonna live while I'm alive

I'll sleep when I'm dead

So, the point is Bon Jovi doesn't even want to sleep. Kind of like the Beastie Boys. Until they arrive in Brooklyn, at which point, each one falls into an instant, delightful slumber.