Chili's Doesn't Fuck Around!

This is the sign I saw posted at one of the elite Chili's "Curbside-To- Go" parking spots. Look how intimidating it is! If you park there and you're not just popping in to pick up your pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme fajitas...then they are going to eff you up.

What kind of bad-ass mercenary towing service does Chili's employ? Do they just stake out the restaurant, and if you are in breach of the well-documented ten minute limit, some sort of Decepticon comes out, incinerates your car, and then sprinkle the remains on top of some sizzling-hot nachos? Does Megatron serve it to you like, "Yeah! Eat up bitch! Cuz this is Chili's! And we don't fuck around!"

Oddly enough, underneath the extremely aggressive and threatening warning, is this warning....

It's a little blurry, but that's only because a giant car-melting robot was pounding its fist on the roof of my car as I took the photo. In any case, let me get this straight. If I park in this spot without getting food, my car is crushed and melted - possibly with me inside it. If I park in this spot, pick up my Chili's to go, and then eat it, my organs and possibly my unborn children will be crushed and melted by carcinogens?

What the fuck Chili's? Jesus. I'm going to Red Robin.


Rachel said...

Everything in your posts today is very scary. I'm so afraid right now. Do other restaurants post that sign? I guess they put it there because people have already ordered and driven there, so it's almost too late to go to Red Robin.